The problem with coming out with any list, is that it's bound to generate controversy. Well suck it up. Here's the definitive 2005 list of beans, ranked on healthiness, tastiness, and general appeal:
1. Coffee Bean
GIVE ME THE SWEET JUICES YOU BEAR!
2. Pinto Bean
Steady, reliable. Inclusion in Chipotle burritos a BIG plus.
3, 4, 5. Black Bean, White Bean, Green Bean (tie) After last year's complaints that the Black Bean only ranked so high because of affirmative action, beans of all colors have been combined in a beautiful politically correct rainbow.
6. Jelly Bean
Tasted a bogey flavored Jelly Bean... dropped it straight from 1st to 6th.
7. Lima Bean
The health nuts won this one. Plus the strong Peruvian vote.
8. Human Bean
Not a great year for humans, but they did make the OC. So, it's a wash.
9. Mr. Bean With no sequel to Johnny English in the mix, it's not been a good year. Plus I hear he killed a census agent.
10. Has-Been See Above.
11. Refried Bean Classic bait-and-switch... they taste amazing at the time, but the next day is epic.
12. Kidney Bean
One of our panelists accidentally mistook this for a real kidney while performing a medical operation. Since then, she's divided her time between bean symposiums and court. Avoid at all costs.
13. Beantown
You call that a playoff run?
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