It seems to get harder every year to pick out the very best poetry, but at long last I have settled on this year's prize winners. As always, many deserving poems were left out, but I think it's a fine group, covering a wide range of styles and viewpoints. Without further ado, then, here's the list:

Longest couplet:

What Love Means -- Philip Plaster

Love means never having to say you're sorry, unless you step on the cat's tail and it screeches and scratches the side of the couch (a family heirloom), causing irreparable damage to both fabric and, needless to say, feline and human psyche; and in addition, the screeching startles Jimmy, causing him to drop the antique china that he was using to transport twelve freshly prepared chocolate éclairs, resulting in a confused, chaotic pile of broken ceramic, smashed pastry, and crestfallen Jimmy; whereupon Nancy shouts from the contiguous room, "Is everything all right?" and peeps her head in, quickly taking in the various disturbances before shrieking dejectedly and staring now at the ruined sofa, now at the wrecked dishware, now at the dazed kitty, now at the crazed Jimmy; which erratic gaze completely overlooks the cat's red rubber ball at her heel, upon which plaything Nancy therefore unintentionally trods, and which, carrying out its role (to roll) without undue hindrance from forces of friction, causes her to tumble to the ground, landing heels over head in the pre-existent pile of chocolate, puff, shards, and Jimmy; whereas the cat meanwhile has had time to recover from the pain and shock of your foot on its tail and is now calmly lapping its tongue upon the splayed remains of the dozen delicious éclairs: In this case, it would behoove you to apologize/or else find a disguise.

Strangest sonnet:

Gerrit's Watch Askew: 789! MMY frieendsz from the series A DISZLE patc h (of plumz)-- Eren FITZ (Gerald! Isn't that al ovely name?!)

ACE!!!!!!! Subway service has beeeeen restored!

SUBWAY SERIES....yankees will finish be HINDPARTS ORIOLES.

BEN OWES ME $20.

SOSA=so-so? SO SO GOOOD!

chuckle

CHUckles the clown

has he drowned

in a sea of toilet water?

Quit your moping and start mopping!

WHY DOST THE ASTORIA FAITHFUL SCOFF AT MY 1 AM TOILET PLUNGER BINGE?

BECAUSE OF POPPER.

Publish meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Best poem (plagiarized division):

The Road Not Taken -- Runyon Reds

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.